If Social Platforms Were People

Fun fact of the day… over 50% of people have at least one social media profile. Oh wait, it gets better! 98% of people 18-24 are on a social media. So, let’s say these different social media platforms were actually people, and they walked into a bar. What would they be like?

Twitter

yas2Your beloved friend Twitter is always up to date on, well, everything! She wants to share every thought with everyone. You’d think she would be annoying, but she’s not. She’s just hard to keep up with. Miss melting pot of ideas.

If your whole group of friends has plans to the local bar, it was most likely Twitter’s idea to go, but no one knows when she’ll actually show up. She’s completely loved by everyone but only in small dosages. You’ll love hearing a story by her, just pray you don’t get sucked in for the other hundred she has coming too.

The group plays rock, paper, scissors to decide who will have to listen to all the stories all night. Just in time the game is done and “Twitter” walks in.

Good thing she has so much going on and she’s super late so this won’t take long. She blabs a bit about the three fabulous parties she went to before showing up. Everyone nods but is jealous that she gets into all these places. After, about 20 minutes of mingling and having everyone love and hate her a little more, she’s off to the next four hot spots to hit before the night is over. Off the little social butterfly goes, building your network and enjoying every moment of it!

Facebook

yas1I really wish Facebook could be summed up into one person, but that’s just not possible. This one needs to be broken down into three characters: Miss Irritating–You-Is-My-Job, Mr. Creeper, and Mr. and Mrs. Annoying Couple.

You know that friend you have that pokes you non-stop? The one that blows your phone up? She calls you three times and then sends you five texts because you didn’t answer? Yup, that’s Facebook.

She’s that poor “friend” that no one wants to invite to the bar even though you’re all getting texts from her. Master plan… Your phone died! Yes, it’s genius! But, luckily for Miss Irritating-You-Is-My-Job there’s always that one person that feels bad and invites her anyway. They think Facebook needs friends and she’s lonely. Well, she is because she drives everyone insane. The text goes out and within 15 minutes Facebook is at the bar. Excuses flood in and people trying to leave.

Back at the bar, Mr. Creeper walks in. Talking with him seems great and then… bam! You realize he’s asking you more questions than you can even answer. He likes anything you say and wants to know everything you’ve done. You’re lucky he hasn’t asked for your social security number after 20 minutes. Motto for dealing with Mr. Creeper: Run Forest Run.

Our last Facebook character is Mr. and Mrs. Annoying Couple. Their attached at the hip and do nothing alone. You sent out that invite for girls night, which becomes More like girls night plus her boyfriend. They’re that couple that’s taking a picture and posting it every 5 seconds and pays attention to no one else. Heck, everyone left the bar and they didn’t even notice until 10 am the next morning when they were wondering where everyone went.

Myspace

yas3Myspace is your Grandma, plain and simple. Myspace is the 50-something lady that wants to be considered a cougar. She thinks she’s the oasis to your Sahara desert, when she’s really just dressed inappropriately for her age and looks absolutely ridiculous. Take away message from Grandma? Let’s act our age, not our shoe size.

If Twitter, Facebook and Myspace met at a bar, there would be a lot of noise, but not a lot said. Are you contributing to the clutter of Twitter’s stories? Are you constantly bombarding your fans with inane posts on Facebook? Do you still consider Myspace relevant? Tell me about your experience with these “characters” in the comments.

About the author

Yas Garay