After reading somebody promote social media profiles pets many things went through my head. My first thought was, “is that this so-called ‘Yale Graduate’ sitting on the couch without a job?” Followed by, “this law firm the pet works for must also have partners named Deputy Dog and the world renowned Saint Bernard Beethoven.”

Beethoven is a Harvard grad and would never hire a Yale grad. I’ve had enough of belittling these discrepancies and am going to move on to belittling the other ones.

It’s a Security Risk

Remember that security question that you set up with your online banking? The one that asks what your pet’s name is? While you’re trying to be quirky somebody is hacking your account with an answer to a “security” question you answered in detail by making a social media profile for your college graduate animal.

If they already have your name, birthday, and hometown on your main Facebook page (which they probably do) then handing over your pet’s name is icing on the cake.

Granted, if you have the extra time to make your pet a social media profile, the whole $121.24 you have in the bank isn’t really going to be life ending when it is withdrawn by some hacker.

Wait, I take that last statement back. If you have that extra time you might be wealthy and in that case should be spending your money on boats and other extraneous luxuries that the rest of us plebes cannot afford.

My Rebuttal to Anthropomorphism

It is true that we personified Scooby Doo, Garfield, and other animal cartoons. I cannot argue that, but I can argue that children are the ones who really do that type of stuff.

I repeat: children!

The same children who believe the tooth fairy is more than just their mom putting money underneath their heavy sleeping and in my case giant head.

Also, adults who personify animals to that extent have a bad track record. David Berkowitz also did this and if you don’t recognize this name maybe you will recognize the “Son of Sam” serial killer. If there was Facebook or Twitter back then, this dude would’ve definitely had one for his pet.

(If you don’t know what happened there, he went and killed people after his dog told him to. I don’t know about you but if my dog told me to kill somebody, I would check into a mental hospital instead of listening to him.)

Ugly Baby Syndrome

Just because you think that your baby is cute does not mean that everybody else does! The same goes for pets, just because your dog is cute to you doesn’t mean I will think it as well.

In fact, if it is a smaller dog I will probably think it it’s a rat, especially if you live in New York City.  I will give one exception here though: taking pictures of your pet for your profile is acceptable. Taking pictures of your pet and posting them on their own social media profile is both a waste of time and just garnering sympathy likes. I just looks like your pet sits around taking selfies all day.

Just because people take pictures of their food and any other thing that crosses their mind does not make it okay. I often delete people who annoy me on social media for these faux paus and you might be next. 1 in 10 people in the UK have social media pages for their pets, but this is AMERICA!