Want a guide to strategic link building? You shouldn’t have any trouble finding them. From How to Build Links Like a Rock Star to Win Friends, Build Links, and Influence People to How Building Links is Like Selling Meth, every SEO on the Internet has penned his or her own Ultimate Guide to Building Links. Sure, they all inherently say the same thing, but there are thousands of ’em.

So we here at Hua Marketing saw an opportunity: no one has written one on how to create a bad link building strategy. The market’s wide open! And who are we to deny lazy link builders a guide on how to utterly suck at link building?

Don’t want to work hard? Perfect! Know nothing about SEO? Terrific! Want your site to languish at the bottom of the SERPs forever? You’re our guy!

Ready to start infuriating webmasters, frustrating your clients and amassing a ton of spammy links by any means necessary? Great! Here’s everything you need to know about creating the worst link building strategy the Internet’s ever seen.

1. Break Out That Credit Card and Start Buying Those Links

See, that’s the thing about hard work. It’s just so…hard. Why spend all that time engaging with a community and creating quality content when you can just swipe a credit card, right? Of course, Google will catch on and lay down an apocalypto-size punishment on your site, but hey, you can just start another site and start buying links again, eh?

2. Peddle a Product or Site You Don’t Believe In

Sure, you know your site’s a piece of crap. You know your blog looks like it belongs on Angelfire circa 1999. You know that the add-on you created causes more crashes than a four-car pileup. Doesn’t matter! You start selling that junk like it’s hotter than a Kardashian sex tape. Never mind that no self-respecting individual is going to endorse a piece of crap by linking to it.

3. Beg for Links Instead of Engaging Your Community

Ugh. Getting to know people? Soooo time-consuming. Why not email out a form letter instead? People love that “Dear Sir or Madam” line. Really draws ’em in.

Why not tweet industry folks and beg for links without getting to know them? Why not push your product in people’s faces instead of quietly offering it to them? Why not give people no incentive whatsoever to link to you? People love that.

4. Convince Your Clients You’ll Have Hard-Hitting Results in Two Months

You know what clients love? Lying. Yep. Unrealistic expectations? Misleading promises? They eat that stuff up. Never mind that any SEO worth his or her salt knows that link building is a long-term goal, not a short-term result. Never mind that clients will find their websites in the search rankings toilet when they finally catch on to you. What do you care? You’ll already be onto your next client by then. Because leaving behind a trail of broken promises and rotten business partnerships will never catch up to you in the future.

It all comes down to this: you want to be terrible at link building? Offer nothing of real value. No community engagement. No hard-hitting content. Nothing worth linking to. Contribute nothing new, offer nothing substantial. There’s no quicker way to hurt your rankings and disappoint your clients.

Because that’s what you want, right? Ugh, doing work is so hard.

If you’d like to create a link building strategy that doesn’t suck, contact Hua. Hua doesn’t want you to suck.